Finding Hilarity

My wish for this new year is to sift through, decomplicate, open more exquisite spaces to breathe. But most of all, my wish is to be able to continually laugh at myself, at all that is around me. Laugh gently, kindly, and with love. And I hope that the laughter shows me the way to the soft, sweet arms of my dear ones, safe from the weight of worrying that I (that so many of us) have been carrying for many years.

This morning, I was talking with my teacher about muscle memory and the unlearning required to keep my feet parallel while dropping back. I was telling him how I will have to train my mind to think about it differently. "That's really all we're doing in this practice," he said. And we both laughed.

I think we laughed because the prospect of unlearning and relearning is huge and hilarious. The endeavor is so big, and yet so simple that one cannot help but to giggle at the whole thing: the every-morning journey to the shala, to the mat; the steady breathing through 90+ minutes of asana; the hilarity and grace and strength and stumbling of some of these poses; the utter lack of regret when the practice is over. The "whole thing" is the dedication to practice and all that it entails. Peace of mind is a seemingly impossible goal, and yet we strive for it daily....and that's really funny. Will we get there? Who knows...but we keep trying, and laughing at ourselves, and reminding one another that we're not alone. Thanks to the sweet, sweet Om that we can do that.

One of my girlfriends regularly looks at me with something like concern about how hard I work. There's a kind of pity in her eyes, and she has told me that she is concerned about my lack of rest, my diligence, my seeming inability to let go (whatever that looks like to her, to me). Indeed, there are ways to be concerned about all of us... But I want to say to her, as I explain calmly that learning to relax and rest is a years-long process for me, "But look! I can see the hilarity of it! Look at me laughing at myself!" Being able to take ourselves less seriously is a step. For me, it's huge.